Why is it easy to advocate for others, but not ourselves?

By Jennifer Glime, November 3, 2024

When the world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful. --Malala Yousafzai

We are often quick to come to the aid of a friend in need. Most of the time, it’s a no-brainer. Why then, is it so difficult to be as kind and empathetic to ourselves?

Good news: you’re not alone. Bad news: you’re not alone.

Not only in personal situations, but also professionally, we often believe that standing up for ourselves makes us appear to be complainers—ungrateful for our lot or appearing weak for not handling more/better/faster. However, without the courage to stand up for ourselves, we risk worse: burnout, resentment and the perpetuation of negative circumstances.

In order to break the cycle, we need to recognize what triggers our behavior toward things we wouldn’t allow for others and become more resolved to take a stand for ourselves—especially at work. In this Harvard Business Review article, Rachel Montanez recommends taking time to look inward, so you can project your best self outwardly. She offers three pieces of advice to gain clarity:

• Determine your strengths. Take time to really consider things you are good at. If you struggle to do this for yourself, ask what a friend might say about you if they didn’t know you were listening. Extend that kindness to yourself.

• Ask yourself what fills your cup, and what drains it? I’m introverted in large crowds, but one-to-one, I’m talking your ear off. For some of us, a day’s worth of Excel spreadsheets will have us waiving the white flag for good. For others, a day of building slide decks sounds like a slice of heaven. Find what energizes you.

• Study the world around you. Our environment can impact more than our mood. It can also cause undue stress we may not realize. Ask yourself: is a fast-paced, rapidly changing environment invigorating or bringing me to tears? Take note of your natural rhythms so you can find a pace of play that works best for you.

Start small

Finally, give yourself grace. We often bestow the most kindness and empathy on others, at our own peril. By the time we consider ourselves, we have little left to give. To curb this, I feel it’s so important to practice some small form of selfcare every day. Whether it’s a walk with your favorite furry companion, ten minutes of meditation before bed, or a quick phone call with a friend, resetting what it means to be kind to yourself is a good place to start on your way to self-advocacy. As you practice giving yourself more consideration, it will start to feel more natural and spill over into other areas of life. Fido has his leash ready.